The next you're left scratching your head and wondering how the heck you're meant to proceed. One minute you see solutions with perfect clarity. Moncage is one of those puzzle games of intermittent lightbulb moments.

I vaguely recognise the face behind all the ones and zeroes, but that person I once snuggled up with on winter evenings has ascended into something vast, intimidating, and utterly obsessed with data. It's been quite some time since I last sported the greying temples and Fray-Bentos paunch of football's favourite scapegoat, and returning to Football Manager is a bit like meeting up with an old girlfriend after they've had their consciousness uploaded into an all-knowing AI. Hattrick is a quintessentially English anachronism, whose ignorance of the modern game represents my own unfamiliarity with modern Football Manager. He thinks a gegenpress is something you use to get the creases out of your trousers.

Route-one, 4-4-2, and no 'larking about'. The 36-year-old former full-back, a Stockport native and lifelong fan of the Vanarama National League club, has a tactical style best described as 'my dad after three pints'. Barry Hattrick has just signed a two-year contract with Stockport County FC.

Baldurs gate world map